


Breathing Under Water

by happy_rascal



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016), Stranger Things - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Babysitter Steve Harrington, Brotherly Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson, Canon Divergence, Good Babysitter Steve Harrington, I fixed season 2, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Steve Harrington deserves better so I gave him better, Steve Harrington is tired, Tags to be added, bob still dies I'm sorry, but it's not mentioned in detail, my trademark italics, so now season 3 has a different ending :), stranger thing season 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:35:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23770183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy_rascal/pseuds/happy_rascal
Summary: Steve's still trying to recover from the party, someone helps him feel less like he's breathing under water all the time.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 26
Kudos: 110





	1. Running

**Author's Note:**

> An improved version of the little ficlet thing I wrote on my Tumblr @happy-rascal ( a shameless self-promo don't @ me )

Steve Harrington really didn't want to play basketball that day. Not after what happened at the party but he found that he was actually grateful that he was playing. It helped. As long he kept moving, it was okay, as long he struggled for breath and kept running, he was okay. Every time he came to a stop he felt his heart clench and his vision started to blur; after an hour or constant moving, however, he couldn't tell if that was the game or the heartache.

Either way the game gave him something to focus on. No Jonathon. No Nancy. No _bullshit_.

There was one problem: Billy Hargrove. Billy had an annoying habit of making sure Steve _stopped_. Like he knew Steve was running himself ragged on purpose. Steve didn't want to stop and Billy was forcing him to. Then he knocked to the ground and Steve honestly thought about giving up because clearly everyone wanted him to. That's how it had felt lately. Everyone just seemed to rag on him all the time. His dad when he made the rare occasion of being around ( "Your grades are slipping," he said the tone that suggested he couldn't really care less, he just didn't want a failure for a son. "I'm not going to pay for college if you're not going to excel." ), Tommy, Carol, Coach ( i.e. right fucking _now_ ). Billy may rag on him but he's the only one doing it considerably _less_ than everyone else. Even now, with Billy doing the usual annoying shit it seemed more in Steve's best interest than for his own enjoyment. He told Steve to plant his feet. First time anyone's knocked him on his ass and then given him _pointers_. 

Billy fucking Hargrove.

And Steve's so _done_ with it. He's tired of having people on his case all the time, if his dad could call him everyday and let him know that's he's a disappointment, Steve's fairly certain he would. And he can't even be _mad_ at Billy because now he knows how to keep himself upright after getting a shoulder to the solar plexus. He's also too exhausted to be mad at Billy. He's tired that his entire world has apparently been flipped on its head more than once now. He thought monsters would be enough but apparently not. The entire universe didn't think that was enough. Didn't think that waking up most nights screaming into an empty house and crying until he passed out again was enough, didn't think the life long emotional trauma was enough because now the girl who he thought he was going to marry decided it was all _bullshit_. Fuck the universe. Seriously. A little part his being told him he didn't deserve this shit. 

He just wants to keep running. 

Then Nancy came by. Made him stop too. Made him _talk_. He almost _did_ cry then. She wasn't willing to talk much either so why did he have to? She couldn't even look him in the eye and all he wanted to do was get an honest answer out of her. Her silence was her honest answer, he guesses. Nothing like silence to break a man's heart. His was shattered. _She's bullshit._

But then some asshole came out and yelled at him that his team needed him ( "We're dying in there, man" ) and he ran off. Not because he's a coward. But because even if he wasn't running to the end of the earth or at least as close as he can get to it, he'll be damned if he didn't run everywhere else. He didn't have any other words for her anyway. 

Once he was back in the gym, Steve kept moving, kept his mind off Nancy; Coach tried to bench him once or twice but he refused. Then Billy came over to mark him again and that _sucked_. Billy was everywhere all at once, Steve couldn't get away from him. Everything about Billy was in his senses, his smell, his sweat, his voice, his fucking hair kept brushing over his neck. Steve tried to run from it but Billy was too good at marking him. A redeeming factor was probably that Steve was too busy moving, too busy dodging that his mind wasn't anywhere else. Billy knocked him to the ground, knocked the wind out of him, made him stop _again_. ( "What'd I say Harrington? Plant your feet." It was quiet, for no one else to hear, only him ).

Another twenty minutes passed and Billy had kept his distance. At this point, Steve had been running so much his breath was getting harder and harder to catch. The sweat running down his face became so obvious to him it felt like he was being water-boarded. He felt like all his senses were on fire. He could hear his shoes squeak too loud, could smell sweat from guys across the gym, could taste the bile crawling up his throat - he forced it back down, something to deal with later.

Billy knocked him to the ground _again_ , he was stopping too much. ( _"Breathe,_ Harrington," he said like it meant something as he grabbed his hand and held on, lifting him up way too easily. "Remember to _breathe_ , man." ) They separated and Steve heard Tommy's triumphant shouting finally become muffled as he staggered over to the bench. Coach shouted something too but Steve was too numb to it all as he willed himself not to cry in front of everyone. He reached for his towel and looked up quickly in Billy's direction, Billy was looking over at him as Tommy jostled the guy's shoulder in excitement. Steve understood why people went weak in the knees under that stare. It was terrifying and yet, he couldn't look away. Not until he felt tears rising in eyes and he prayed Billy hadn't seen them as he buried his face in his towel, pretending to wipe away sweat.

Steve remembered to breathe.

The locker room after the game was tense. His team kind of hated him for benching himself when they were already getting squashed by Billy alone. He didn't find out the final score, too busy trying to envelope himself into his tiny towel and cry. In the showers, Tommy and Billy decided to bring up Nancy in the most annoying way possible. ( "Plenty of bitches in the sea" what the fuck is that anyway ) Billy - wasn't so bad, could have been a lot more annoying, though he kept staring and Steve was worried that he could see the redness in his eyes. It would explain the reason why Billy even brought up Nancy in the first place. Tommy - could go die. Steve really didn't know why he put up with him for as long as he did. He never really liked Nancy and he clearly never really like Steve. Steve kind of zoned out, let their voices just fade out until Billy felt the need to pat him on the back. _Breathe_.

***

Steve got home, his entire body ached for relaxation but his brain pined for movement. He threw his gym stuff in the wash and found some more running clothes to put on, an hour's run won't kill him. No one needs him for anything. No point in studying, he could barely concentrate in class today so he has no idea what they're meant to be reading or writing or whatever other things his classes needed him to do.

The washing machine stops and he takes that as his cue to leave. He locks up the house and starts jogging down Loch Nora. He intends to just run out of the street and around the town, he wouldn't see anyone he wouldn't want to anyway. Steve had spent some extra time in the locker room, after everyone else had left because he didn't feel like moving so he knew no one would still be heading home. Either way, he _intends_ to go down Loch Nora but he ends up going around his house and out into the woods just outside the back of his house. He wants to get lost. He'll follow the pool lights when he wants to go back home. 

Those pools lights. . .

Steve's not scared of them but it doesn't mean he hasn't started sleeping with the curtains drawn so they don't shine up into his bedroom and so the shadows of nightlife doesn't have him running out there waving the baseball bat that transferred from his trunk to down the side of his bed to check if there's a teenaged girl drowning out there or a demogorgan skulking about. 

He keeps going. He brushes off the thought of something watching him. He doesn't want paranoia setting in this early into his life. He's not ready for it and he thinks it might kill him. Might make him feel like he's drowning. He already feels like he's trying to breathe under water. The basketball game helped, he remembered how it was to breathe. His mind unhelpfully makes the connection between remembering how to breathe and Billy but he shakes it off. He just keeps running. His body is going to hurt like hell tomorrow and Steve knows he's an idiot for pushing his body too far, it's a wonder his legs don't just give up and he's stuck in the woods until he can walk again. 

He pretends not to see a faint orange glow, a tiny amber spot of an ember, a little burning fire a little ways a way on his left, pretends there's not someone else out there. It's just him and no one else. He also pretends he doesn't know who the lit cigarette cherry belongs to. But it does remind him how far he must be from his own house. He turns, actually runs the 180 degrees, doesn't stop moving, refuses to. Steve decides, as he runs along, that maybe running might be something he should consider a little more. It's a form of catharsis. 

Steve remembers to breathe. 


	2. Weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am by no means saying breathing techniques work for everyone who has anxiety, they don't work for me and so I'm not saying "just breathe, it's that easy" because I know it's not but nonetheless, it works for some. It's also good to remember Steve has no clue what's going on with him, he doesn't know that what he's experiencing are panic attacks.

English. It's not going well and Steve just wants to _leave_. He's got shit he needs to do. Well, not really but he's desperate to go home. He pinches the bridge of his nose and just _breathes_. He wants to go for a run, maybe sprint away the nervous energy into the woods and back out again. Like he's running from the devil himself. Sometimes he honestly believes he's done that. 

Lunch was terrible, he didn't even bother eating, the minute he stepped in the cafeteria, he saw a fucking ocean's worth of people he didn't want to associate with. Nancy and Jonathon huddled in a corner probably scheming their next adventure ( it had occurred to Steve that two had never officially broken up, they just _stopped_ seeing each other), Billy, Tommy, Carol and their goons laughing and shouting like no one else is around and then there was the rest of the student body. And, no. So he bolted and spent the entire time in the back section of the library scaring off anyone who came to the stacks to make out and/or attempt third base. 

He'd had the genius idea of going over to Nancy's at the weekend and apologising and hoping they could sort things out but he now was one day away from Saturday and he really couldn't take it. If he's being honest, the idea kind of made him sick. He strengthened the pinch on his nose and breathed deeper. English was starting to become a chore. He already spoke the language, why'd he need to take the lesson too? Everyone told him English mattered but did it really? Learning poetry off by heart isn't exactly a qualifying requirement for life. But apparently everyone knew better than Steve about everything so who was he to speak?

Steve stared at the back of Billy Hargrove's head. He thought back to the basketball game on Monday. _That was weird_. It was weird because the guy may have pushed him around and had been all together unhelpful, there was something about what Billy said that had stuck with Steve. Made him think about how Billy could have possibly known what Steve needed, to _breathe._ Steve had no idea what was wrong with him that day, he just knew it kept happening and for some damn reason, Billy's advice _worked_. It's why he was doing it now, last period, English. He also found pinching the bridge of his nose did something to calm him down too, he just didn't really know why, gave him back a sense of feeling, he guess. 

Over the past week, Steve had caught Billy looking in his direction, and this wasn't a thing like in the movies where a girl would see a guy staring and do a double take and when she looked back the guy had stopped looking at her. No, Billy was looking at Steve a lot. Staring. That was the right word to use. And it wasn't like the staring he did at girls, it was. . .more intense. And he wouldn't look away if Steve looked back, like he took it as a challenge. He'd smile, all teeth and tongue and wait for Steve to give in. Nothing could make Billy give in, even when Tommy or some other asshat tried to speak to him, he just kept staring and they'd either give up or end up shouting obscenities at Steve and that - that was too much attention for him. Which was a weird reaction for Steve to have but people change. So he'd breathe and look away. And Billy would win again. It was weird. 

The point is, Billy would openly stare at Steve a lot. And for some reason, no one brought it up. Maybe they were too scared of Billy to mention it, thing is, Steve isn't scared of Billy he just. . .doesn't want any shit. He doesn't think he can really take any shit right now. 

So Steve thinks of a plan. Kind of. Call it a _flexible_ idea. He just needs English to be over so he can start. He had questions, sue him.

He stares at the back of Billy's head until class is over.

***

At first Steve decided he was going to wait by Billy's car. Then English actually _finished_ and he kind of really needed to blow off some steam. So he stayed behind after school to take a few laps. Steve had realised that running was doing him some good, he'd stopped smoking so many cigarettes because he often found, unless he really couldn't for whatever reason, he went for a run instead of a smoke. He wasn't too mad about it. He'd call himself a social smoker if he had anyone to socialise and smoke with. 

So Steve decided he'd go over later - or Saturday seeing as his original plans had fallen through via his own decision. Maybe he'd see how much time he had left after he'd blown off enough steam. He headed over to the locker room, nodding at the Coach before walking into the building. He took his time getting changed, he wasn't sure if he'd still properly recovered from Monday but he figured once his muscles got used it, it wouldn't hurt so much. He'd also taken a break from running on Wednesday, didn't feel like it, didn't feel like anything that day. No one could tell him off so he ate ice cream and watched that stupid sitcom he couldn't remember the name of. 

Steve walked out to the track, this was probably the first time he's ever stepped out onto the track. To actually do track-related stuff, anyway. He didn't really remember much about it but there was this one time he was on the track with . . .Tommy? Maybe? _Couldn't really be anyone else_ , Steve thinks. They were running from someone, something. His brain had thrown out some old memories to preserve the newer, more deplorable memories. Memories Steve wishes he didn't have. The things he did for Nancy. Would never do that again. Not for _anyone_. Forget it. He's doing stuff just for himself now. Fuck everyone else, man. They could suck it.

Steve starts running, the gentle ache from the previous days setting in stronger. He pushes through it. He's pushed through everything else, he can push through this. The more Steve runs, the more he thinks, he's got the time for it. He speeds up. Tries to encourage the muscles in legs to burn, to get his lungs to expand past their normal size so he doesn't have to think. Apart from Wednesday, Steve has been moving non-stop. He has to or else he thinks he might die. He'll just stop. His entire body will just shut down and he'll collapse on the floor. Not that many people would care, if anyone. Billy might _notice_ because that's all he's been doing lately, doesn't mean he'll _care_. He's got to keep buzzing, got to keep some form of activity going; too many people have told him to stop drumming his fingers, tapping his foot, stop making weird sounds with his mouth this week but he can't explain he does it so he doesn't implode. He'd just get weird looks. 

***

Steve's done three laps before he's realised it. He decides to make it a round five and then he'll leave. 

He's halfway around his fourth lap when he sees it. The shadow at the edge of the field. Just in front of the trees. He stops. Eyes wide, heart fallen out of his ass, chest heaving ( _breathe, man, breathe_ ) and hands clammy. His whole body goes ridged, like rigour mortis, he thinks that's the word, maybe he learnt it in biology, he can't remember. The figure, not just a shadow, the _figure_ stands, tall and lean. Nothing close to human. Steve doesn't know if he's seeing things or if it's actually there. Like some weird hallucination, after you go through something traumatic - he thinks there's a word for it. The figure moves, well its head moves, Steve flinches. The shape of its head is too _pointed_ , too weird looking to be a person. Then its face starts to open up, like a fucking flower that crawled from the depths of hell's asshole - no like a monster that crawled from the Upside Down. And _fuck_ that.

Steve's whole body is set to _run_ when he hears a _snick,_ the familiar sound of a Zippo igniting before he hears the _snap_ of it shutting from behind him. _Billy._ Steve hears an alarming _click_ as he snaps his neck round. He ignores it. Steve's entire field of vision feels like it's expanded. He feels like his pupils are the size of his entire eye, everything seems so defined, Billy seems a lot closer than his lighter indicated. Steve feels overly aware of everything. The sound of Billy's boots as they cross from grass to synthetic rubber, the colours of his surroundings are so bright, if it was dark he'd feel as though he could see like it was day. Steve's eyes track Billy's every movement, they can't stop themselves, it's like he can't blur anything out, it's all right in his face and he can't help but observe everything. 

"You gonna look at me all day, Harrington?" Steve's nostrils are on fire as he breathes in the smoke Billy breathes out. Something about breathing in brings Steve back. His senses dial down a little, not completely, he's still way too hyper-aware for his own liking but at least he feels like a human again, like he's actually on the planet again. He doesn't say anything. "What were you looking at?" Billy asks, pointing in the direction of the woods. And Steve panics, he swings back round to look to the figure and it's gone. He wasn't completely surprised because he's pretty sure Billy's opening line would have been "What the fuck is _that_?" instead of what it was if the demogorgan had been charging at them. 

"Nothing." Steve manages to get out. 

"Didn't seem like nothing." Billy's intense stare was on him again, his eyes were very. . . _blue_. Like, too blue. Steve didn't look away. He wanted to but not completely. 

"Yeah, it was nothing." That didn't quite match up with Billy's statement but it didn't seem like Billy cared all that much, just enough to raise an eyebrow before putting it back down. Steve watched as Billy's hand moved up so he could take another drag but before his hand came up to his face, Billy held out the cigarette to Steve. Steve took it. He needed it, kind of. Social smoking. 

"You're weird, Harrington." Billy took the cigarette back.

"Thanks." Steve said, too tired, too exhausted yet too hyper-aware to care, too on edge to care. He was done with people's bullshit. If they wanted to be dicks, they could be. Wasn't his business anymore. What was his business though. . ."Hey, why'd you keep telling me that shit on Monday, man?" 

"What shit?"

"To breathe. You said it like you knew something I don't." Steve studied Billy's face, seemed like Billy was doing the same back to him. He couldn't describe the look Billy had, it was like confusion and realisation had a child. If emotions could have a child. If they even were emotions. Steve didn't know.

"Just. . .looked like you needed it, I don't know." Billy held out the cigarette again, Steve took it. He was holding something back. Whatever. If he didn't tell, Steve's not going to force him. 

"Well, thanks, I guess. It helped." Steve had never been in a conversation this stunted before, it seemed like Billy felt the same. 

"Yeah, it's cool. You gonna finish your lap?" Billy gestured to the track, Steve could feel his legs aching. A part of him wanted to keep moving, another part was screaming to go home. His entire _mind_ was begging him not to be left alone outside in an open area like this. He listened for once.

"Uh, no, no, I'm going to go home."

"Alright, pretty boy." That nickname. Steve had heard it from Billy before, hadn't made as much of an impact as it did this time. Weird. Whatever. Steve makes his way back to the locker rooms to get changed. "Shame, was gonna watch you finish - maybe next time." Steve kept walking. 

When he came out of the locker room, showered, dressed and achey, Billy was waiting outside the doors, waiting for Steve. Weird. _Time to take a chance_. What more could he lose, seriously? He's got no dignity left, really. Popularity is in the toilet. "Hey, wanna hang out tomorrow? I got nothing going on, obviously. You're. . .okay."

"Just okay? You flatter me, Harrington." Billy said, dryly.

"Look, you're not as bad as I thought. So. You wanna or not?" Steve stopped at his car, Billy's right next to it. He ignored the implication that that was on purpose.

"Nuh-uh, pretty boy, you gotta ask nicely." Steve frowned, tried not to pout ( didn't work ) as Billy smiled, all teeth and tongue like when he stares at Steve, like a shark or something. Steve gave in.

"Do you. Billy. Want to hang out tomorrow? With me." Billy huffed and smiled, Steve guessed it was a positive kind of huff - like when you hold in a laugh or something - he opened his Camaro door.

"Meet at the quarry, one o'clock." With that, Billy ducked into his car, revved the engine and tore away from the parking lot.

 _Weird_. 

For the first time that week, Steve didn't need to breathe as deeply. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is going to be called Saturday. . .


	3. Saturday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am entirely aware there's actually a space of about two days in between the party and the Saturday that Steve goes to apologise to Nancy. Thing is, that didn't work with how I started writing this because I needed Billy to be looking out for Steve for a week so it made more of an impact on Steve, I don't think two days would have been enough. Also, I wrote the second chapter before looking into the timeline. So since there's week's difference instead, we'll just say the party was a week in advance, for whatever reason suits your fancy. But the kids still went trick or treating on halloween night, nothing really affects that storyline. As for Jonathon and Nancy, it just gives them more reason to go running off together on Friday, as they're now closer than they were in the actual show.
> 
> Enjoy!

Steve didn't really know why he was going to her house, he was due to meet Billy in like fifteen minutes. He was dumb to even be back here. But he just had to _know,_ had to know if there was anything. Anything he could say, anything he could do, anything he could give her that would fix things. 

He deserved normalcy, he deserved the whole nuclear family thing. Didn't everyone? Hell, even if there were monsters once every year at least she would make it normal, at least being with _her_ would make his life normal.

He wasn't normal, right now anyway, his whole life wasn't normal and he wasn't going to settle until it was. He felt, _weird_ and he tried to _breathe_ through it. It wasn't working quite so well. All these thoughts of normalcy had gotten him wound up. 

He resisted the urge to throw up as he opened his car door. It was nerves, really. He heard a lot of people throw up when they get stressed. He grabbed the roses through the open window and practiced his lines, try to make them feel as though they _weren't_ practiced ( "I love you, I'm sorry" ). Wanted it to seem from the heart. Didn't just want it because it was _normal_. He didn't even know what _he_ was supposed to be sorry for. 

"Steve." An obnoxious little voice shouted up at him from Nancy's porch. _A kid._ Steve didn't have _time_ for _kids_. 

But just then, his flowers, god he bought her _flowers_ , his flowers are being taken away from him ( _actually probably a good thing_ , Steve thinks ) and this _weird_ kid is getting in his car asking if he still has his _bat_. And, like, well of course he does. He's never _not_ got it with him. But he's not going to tell this kid that. Dustin, right? He thinks it's Dustin. But he's not going to tell _Dustin_ that he's so terrified to go anywhere even in daylight without that bat, the bat that still has demogorgan blood, if he can even call it blood, dried on the nails, because he never knows when he's going to need it. Because he's fucked up like that. So he plays dumb, says 'what bat?' even though Dustin doesn't need to describe it but does; he asks why but Dustin says he'll explain on the way. Then they're off. Also, yeah, Dustin actually might be right, it _doesn't_ matter where Nancy is.

***

Dustin doesn't shut up. That's what Steve has learnt. And now Steve has been caught up to date on the workings of this kid's ( quickly deteriorating ) friendship circle. Like, Mike's line was busy for _two hours_ and he's not even at home ("Probably with Will, poor bastard had another episode, they're probably at his house right now, I'm telling you they're practically _married_ , Steve. But they're best friends so I get it. Last year, Mike tried to tell me I'm best friend too. I was happy about it when he said it but now, I don't know. I guess I just thought I ranked higher than to get ignored and have Mike not even tell us that Will's not as okay as we thought. Because clearly he's not. I'm not an idiot. I just don't know how bad it is because _no one will tell me._ "). And Lucas is off doing _god knows what_ probably trying to get the attention of _Max_ which is so _dumb_ because he's going to have _no_ luck. Nancy's not around, neither is Jonathon ( and, yeah, Steve _knew_ that )so Steve is his last resort and, _ouch - that hurt_. Then again, Steve didn't really want to be doing this, either. 

Another thing he learnt through vague listening skills was that this kid had lost some kind of pet. Except it's eaten his cat. Apparently he found this weird lizard thing in his trash can halloween night and then it grew a lot ( "over _two days_ , Steve" ). Then he wiped it out with a hockey stick and trapped it in his basement. Oh, and it hates heat. 

So they're going to find this thing. Hence the bat. Steve turns on the radio, Hammer To Fall - not bad. When did it get so dark?

Shit.

Billy.

The quarry.

It is _definitely_ past one o'clock. But Billy doesn't know about this shit and even though he _hates_ this shit, when it comes around, he's got to deal with it. Plus, Dustin? He's alright. Poor kid just needs his help, no one else will help him. So it's up to Steve and Steve really doesn't have that much of a problem. Maybe he still can do things for other people. But maybe just for Dustin. Dustin is a good kid. Just sometimes condescending. Steve can get a beating from Billy after they've sorted out the things from The Upside Down. 

"Wait a sec how big?" Steve asks, Dustin huffs. Not like Billy huffed Friday, in the parking lot, not in a good way - in an annoyed way. Fuck, Billy's going to pissed. A guy with a quick temper? He's seen it before. No wonder Billy and Tommy get on so well. Plus, Tommy doesn't do anything but back up the most important guy. Steve is going to be in hell. Billy may be okay but that's because Steve hadn't done anything to piss him off. And now he had. "I swear to god, man, it's just a little lizard, okay?" The conversation derails from there. Its face opened up and ate his cat.

 _Right_.

***

They pull up outside Dustin's house. Steve opens the trunk and pulls out the bat. Dustin doesn't ask why he has it in his trunk already. He's glad. They head round the back of Dustin's house and stand outside the basement. And, really, Steve knows he's doing this for Dustin and 'the greater good' or whatever but he really can't believe he's going this shit again. Well, a variation on this shit. He shines his torch light on the door, Dustin's presence a reminder not to lose his shit right then and there. He listens, there's a buzzing in his brain he can't quite understand. So he speaks, tries to make it go away. "I don't hear shit." 

"He's in there." Dustin says simply. Steve pokes the door of the basement with the end of his bat. He's not sure if he should believe the kid anymore but there's _something_ in Dustin's voice that makes him believe he's telling the truth. And he doesn't know what it is, he's never heard it before but it's like this kid has already given him more reason to trust him than Nancy ever did. And he's wasted his trust with Billy. He needs to fix that. And he will. Just not now. They had a long way to go when it came to friendship anyway. He smacks the basement door harder. Nothing. 

"Alright, kid, if this is some sort of halloween prank - you're dead. Alright?" And, sure, Steve's willing to _help_ but he can't let Dustin know that. Just like the bat. That way, he's still kind of doing this for himself and not other people but he doesn't feel guilty about being selfish. He's selfish that way. ( "Got a key for this thing?" ).

***

Steve wrestles one of the heavy doors open and it creaks with a massive screech, Steve recoils from the sound for a second. He gets the other door open and looks into an all familiar blackness. It's the same one he sees when he dreams. It's haunting and Steve feels it curling around him, pulling him in like it wants him there. He puts a hand around his bat, it's pretty much a safety blanket for him and it's embarrassing. Steve shakes himself out of it. _Not now._ ( "He must be further down there." ). 

Steve moves down the steps, reluctant and scared shitless. He _should_ know what to expect. He's certain he knows what it looks like, he's seen one before. But there's a weird feeling of uncertainty. He gets closer to the bottom of the stairs. He seems to be taking forever to get there. Time's doing that thing again where he can't really tell how fast it's moving. He was right about one thing, yesterday, on the track with Billy. He would have been able to see in the dark like it's day. Because he can now. Or at least, he's convinced it's that. His eye have probably adjusted to the darkness but he swears he can see more than usual - and it's not just the torch. Either way it's overwhelming. Steve _breathes_. He has to. He really can't lose his shit. Not in front of Dustin. 

He finally gets to the bottom of the stairs and tries to walk as normally as he can. Like he doesn't feel as though he's walking on Jello. He clicks the light on; he's not sure if that's worse, really. The light _hurts_ and his vision of field is _wide,_ his eyes try to focus on one thing not _every_ thing. He settles on the far left corner. Just next to it he sees something _gross_. He picks it up with the end of his bat, _skin._ Great, more shit on the end of his bat.

Something catches his eye, even with the light on, there's a hole of blackness, the nightmare type. "Steve?" Dustin asks from the top of the stairs. 

"Get down here." Steve says, all business and no fun. He points to the skin on his bat with his torch, Dustin swears, he points to the giant hole in the basement wall, the empty blackness, Dustin swears again. 

They crouch down, Steve does, Dustin's short enough to bend slightly at the waist and see into the gaping wound Dustin's pet left in the basement wall. He's starting to realise that this day. . .yeah it couldn't get any worse. Steve actually just wants to go home and maybe run off a little of this stress and fear he's got coursing through him right now. Who's he kidding? It's not just right now, he wouldn't keep the bat with him if was just _right now._ He could have smoked some of the stress away with Billy but _no_ he _had_ to go see Nancy, he _had_ to help Dustin _._

Steve and Dustin look into the Nightmare Hole and he points the flashlight down the tunnel. "No way, no way." Dustin repeats and honestly, Steve doesn't blame him. Last year? Steve could say _that_ was unbelievable, hell, he even tried to convince himself it didn't happen - it didn't last long. This time though? Even more unbelievable. Problem is, this time, he knew it was real. And, _fuck,_ Steve really didn't want to think about how he was _jealous_ of Billy, Tommy, Carol and every other fucker in Hawkins that didn't know what he did. 

So they need meat. And a lot of it. And, what the fuck does that mean? Steve asks and Dustin tells him he isn't listening and repeats, _very slowly_ that he. Lured. Dart. ( " _Dart?_ " ) Out. Of. His. House. With chunks of meat. So that settles it. Apparently they need meat chunks. 

And that was Steve's Saturday. 

( _"Breathe, Harrington,_ _remember to breathe, man." )_


	4. Normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy pride everyone :)
> 
> p.s. wasn't sure if it was a bus or a camper van they were hiding in so I chose camper xoxo

Sunday. Steve hated Sundays. _Normally_ , it was because Monday came right after and Steve hated _Mondays_ more than Sundays. This time it was because him and Dustin were lugging big buckets of meat around on the railroad track trying to lure Dart out and away from Hawkins. So this time wasn't exactly _normal._ Then again, Steve's life was seriously looking like it would never be normal again. 

One example would be that today, he's going spend the entire day with a fourteen year old on the rail tracks chucking around meat to lure out a fucking monster named after something from a _fucking nerd game_. Steve was a little bit pissed. It was Sunday and he was not in bed. But the possible end of Hawkins was kind of very important so he couldn't sleep in and he couldn't spend all day on the couch pretending to study. 

The night before, after Steve got home from _un_ successfully finding Dart, he kicked - literally - his shoes off and fell - literally - into bed. He didn't bother changing, though in the morning, he wished he had. He lay there, covers up to his chin and feet tucked under at the bottom. Something else he'd been doing since last year.That was a lie. Actually, he'd been doing it since Barb went missing. Something took her and it was in his back yard. He could _feel_ it. He hated the back yard. He only went out there to start his run.

Steve stared at the ceiling and took a breath. Breathing used to be so easy, used to seem _normal_. Used to be like. . .like breathing. He just knew how to do it. But now it felt like he needed a manual that told him how to breathe.

And Billy knew that's how he felt. That wasn't normal. His bully - if he really was a bully, there'd been incidents and it was reoccurring so maybe he was _( Although the quarry today might have been a step to fixing that,_ Steve thought darkly, berating himself as he thinks about the consequences to come ) his bully wouldn't know when he needed to breathe like that. To breathe so deep, he could _feel_ his lungs working. His bully _shouldn't_ know when he needed that. A _normal_ bully shouldn't, a normal bully _wouldn't_. Then again, there never was much _normal_ about Steve and Billy.

Steve didn't know what it was. Nancy had once commented ( _fuck Nancy )_ she'd once said that she'd seen people get bullied before and this - Billy and Steve, that is - was nothing like she'd ever seen. Then again, the fuck did she know? She'd only _seen_ it, never _lived_ it. Not like she had any experience to base this on. Either way, one thing she had been right about was there definitely was something _weird_ about the way Billy and Steve revolved around each other. It was kind of one-sided, though. It was _Billy_ that came looking for Steve. Every time. All those times in the hallways, the halloween party, the gym, the track yesterday. The guy was everywhere Steve was. It was _weird._

Steve breathed deeply, found it easier now, then fell asleep. 

Sunday morning. Steve pulled up outside Dustin's house, bat in the trunk as always. Breathing to high heaven before he beeps the horn twice and leans over to shout out the passenger window, telling Dustin to hurry his ass up because they've got to get going. ( "Alright, alright, jackass!" comes a shout from an upstairs window ). Steve hears a woman shouting for something called a 'Mews". She sounds distressed, his heartbreaks for her, it reminds him of when Nancy called for Barb that night. 

_Fuck._

The passenger door opens harshly and Steve is, thankfully, forced to forget about last year. Dustin flops down on the seat next to him and sighs. Not the time to talk, they can do that later, right now, they have to go see old Mr. Downing for some chunks of _meat_. To lure out an Upside Down creature. So they can kill it. 

What kind of normal is that?

Dustin finally speaks up, "We need to get Dart out of town, we need to lure him away from everyone else." The fact Dustin is still using Dart's name makes Steve feel. . .uncomfortable. Weird. "There's a scrapyard a couple of miles away - we should get him out there. But how do we lead him there? Can't lead him through town, that's dangerous and a bad idea in general - people will think we're weird."

"Hate to break it to ya kid, but people already think you're weird." Steve really should think before he speaks.

"Well, hate to break it to _you_ but you're weird too." Dustin fires back and Steve really needs to remember these kids - _especially_ Dustin - have a quicker wit than most people he knows. Then again, he uses to hang around with Tommy so it's not saying much. He's still a smart kid and Steve needs to remember that. The comment wasn't even that clever, it was just incredibly quick. It dawned on Steve that maybe it's not just the bored mothers in this town who _talk_. 

_Kids are_ ruthless. Steve thinks. 

***

It was difficult explaining why they needed two buckets full of meat chunks to Mr. Downing but he was old and had probably seen weirder. Dustin owes Steve. A lot. This shit wasn't cheap and now he's got to explain to his dad why he needs another allowance already. More of a disappointment. That's all Steve was to his dad. Although he can wallow in that particular style of self loathing when this is all over. _Whatever, every kid probably feels this way about their parents_. It's normal. Right?

They drive all the way to the train tracks and park right by the end. Or maybe the start depending on which way you looked at it. It was _their_ start. First thing Steve does is grab his bat. His _safety blanket_. He holds it for a second, just breathing and knowing he was safe if he has the bat. Dustin, too busy getting the meat buckets, barely notices. Steve puts the bat in his bag. 

As they're unloading the buckets from the trunk of Steve's car, Dustin's dumb walkie talkie ( which he carries everywhere Steve has noticed ) throws some sort of fit and there's some white noise before he hears _another_ kid's voice. ". . .is Lucas do you copy?" Lucas. Which was one Lucas again? Whatever, apparently he'll be finding that out soon. Dustin had yelled at Lucas for, like, a second before telling him where they'd be. And then he told him to bring a fucking wrist rocket? Why? ( "Steve Harrington?" ) Right, because that makes Steve feel like a million dollars. The disdain in his voice. Kids _suck_. 

"Alright, let's go." And that shuts up Lucas.

Actually, what shuts up Lucas is Dustin saying "Over and out" but whatever.

***

They walk in silence for a while. It's awkward but it gives Steve a lot of time to think. His mind wanders to Billy. No, he will _not_ think about why because he doesn't _know_ why. There's something about Billy that seriously makes Steve question a lot of things. Things that make Steve want to run for miles and maybe light a cigarette after he's done.

What he really questions is the evening on the track. There was a distinct feeling on the track between them. It wasn't anything that he could put his finger on, nothing that he could name but it was there. And, _Christ_ , it wasn't normal, they way they interacted. It wasn't _right._ The staring and the standing so close together their noses could have touched. Steve knew he wasn't exactly _correct_ , he knew that's part of why his dad hated him. ( Was _that_ normal? ). He knew there was something _off_. Maybe there was something _off_ about Billy, too. Maybe that's why they had this weird _everything_ about them when they were together. 

They hadn't walked that far had they? Steve couldn't figure out why he needed to catch his breath so bad. They had literally just started walking. Sure, the car looked further away but that's what happens when you walk away from something. Steve knew about walking away. Was pretty well versed on it. He slows down a little, making sure Dustin doesn't notice how much he's struggling to breathe. Keeps his distance, this kid is smart and _will_ notice any signs of weakness. Maybe he's nice enough not to mention them, though. 

"Alright so let me get this straight." Steve starts. "You kept something that you knew was probably dangerous in order to impress a girl who. . ." _Fucking breathe, dude._ ". . .who you just met?" Judgement heavy on the tongue but glad for a change of subject, Steve asks a question which will most likely get a thesis of an answer in return. 

"Alright, that's _grossly_ over simplifying things." Steve's prayers have been answered. This kid is going to keep talking and maybe help the humming in Steve's brain calm down. There's a discourse and Steve asks questions one right after the other. 

Then they get onto the subject of hair and Steve realises he's has actual insight when it comes to girls. So, being the master conversationalist he is, he tells Dustin it's not about the hair. There's a key with girls. And it's ". . .just acting like you don't care." _Easy_. He knows it works, he did it and he's seen Billy do it. Tommy learnt it from him, too. That's how he got Carol believe it or not. "It drives them nuts." He decided not to think about who drives _him_ nuts when he pretends not to care. Because that's honestly not normal. Well, he's been told it's not. _Whatever_. 

"It’s like before it’s gonna storm, you know? You can’t see it, but you can feel it, like this, uh electricity, you know?" and he tries not to think about Nancy, he tries not to think how there's always this weird charge around him and Billy because _there isn't one._ Instead he just _breathes_.

God, when was the last time he didn't feel like he was breathing under water? Like he wasn't gulping down mouthfuls of water, like he couldn't get any air because all there was _was_ water. That's what it felt like. Drowning. It sucked. It wasn't normal, it was _weird_. Steve was _weird_. Steve didn't want to be weird. He wanted to be _normal._ And this whole time he's carrying on a conversation with a fucking _twelve year old_. What's he doing? He's ignoring his own self and talking to a twelve year old about girls ( he thinks he's overdoing it on the metaphors, trying to sound like a _normal_ guy would when he's giving advice - it just sounds _weird_ ) and Farrah Fawcett hairspray. 

Nancy isn't that special, she broke his heart.

"Oh yeah, yeah this'll do." Steve says as he surveys the junkyard. He's got his Blues Brothers sunglasses on and he managed to regain some dignity after his and Dustin's heart to heart so, yeah he thinks he's pretty cool. He tosses a bit of his new-found good mood towards Dustin and tells him he made a good call. 

They empty out the rest of the bucket load onto the ground in the middle of the junk yard. Steve hears a shout: "I said medium-well!" and honestly, it's a pretty good entrance line. Still there's a ginger girl and Lucas. He's guessing it's Lucas. He's seen Mike and Will so he knows it's not them and there's only one person left. Lucas. Steve can already tell from the smart ass entrance - despite how good it was - that Lucas is going to be as quick-witted as Dustin and this might become a problem. He just hopes the redhead isn't a smart ass too. 

"Who's that?" Steve asks. There's a silence that's too long from Dustin and Steve looks over. There's a look on Dustin's face that he assumes looks like his when he sees Nancy and Jonathon together. It's very sad and slightly angry. There's probably a word for it. And, _fuck_ , Steve's heart shatters a little, the poor kid's already upset over a girl. The anger, though, that comes from a different place. It's not an extension of his upset, it's actually the other way around. And Steve knows what the anger is rooted in. Betrayal. Because when there's a girl and two guys with a clear interest, it's always betrayal. It's like something out of a Shakespeare play. And this kid, he's a nice kid, wise-ass but nice, he can't really stand to see him looking like this. 

They get to work. And by 'they', that means 'Steve and the girl'. The other two have ducked behind a car and are arguing not-so-quietly. He's not sure if the girl can hear them but he definitely can. She looks uncomfortable. But maybe that's because the only two people she knows have fucked off while she and Steve, a guy she _doesn't_ know, set up the meat trap and it's all _very_ weird. And, okay, now maybe he's a little actually fed up with these kids - it's hot, it's a Sunday and this isn't what he should be doing. He should be lying in bed after spending a day smoking with Billy and after a morning run and a shower. 

He slams a chair down on the car and tries not to smile as he scares the crap out of two twelve year olds. He tries to avoid thinking about how that's a similar feeling as to when he used to be the King. King Steve. "Hey! Dickheads! How come the only one helping me out is this random girl?"

***

They lost light forty minutes later. They'd chosen a broken down camper van to hide out in. At some point Steve looks over at Lucas and he has these huge fucking binoculars jammed up against his face before climbing up a ladder they'd put in there so, well, so Lucas could use his big fuck-off binoculars to be look-out. _These kids are prepared._

Steve plays with his lighter, flicking it so it opens as he ignites he flame and then closes it again. He kind of wants a cigarette but feels like he shouldn't in front of the kids. Not that it would be anything new to them but he felt like he shouldn't add to it in any way. _Billy probably wouldn't give a shit, he'd have a cigarette hanging out his mouth as he fought off monsters._ Steve thinks, he can practically see the image of Billy in his head. He wouldn't have a bat, though, he'd have something else. An axe probably, seems like the type to like seeing the insides of a monster as he kills it. 

Steve finally learnt the girl's name. Max. Max stares at him as he messes with the lighter. Watches him sit there, she's like Billy. Almost like she knows he's struggling, like she knows how he feels. Breathing under water. "So you really fought one of these before?" Her gaze goes to Dustin for a second but Steve looks up and he nods silently when she looks back at him. It's the same stare, too. Maybe she learnt it from him. _Oh no wait, they're not related._ At least, he doesn't _think_ they are. Don't look similar. One of them could always have a different mother or father. Probably mother, Steve guesses. He knows what step-siblings are so that's also a possibility. He wonders what it's like to have a bother or sister. _Less lonely, I suppose._

Dustin snaps at her, something about it not being a bear. He's a little surprised, he thought Dustin liked this girl. Turns out she's a wise-ass, too. The way she fires back with such ease reminded Steve of Billy again. _It's a possibility,_ he thinks again. She heads up the ladder, he's got to hand it to her, she's not scared or at least she hides it well. And she's not going home so she's curious, too. Like he was last year. Not going to believe it until she sees it, though. Clever. 

He should probably talk to Dustin.

Apparently Dustin doesn't actually care. He told Steve to stop winking. _Click_ goes the lighter as they once again fall into silence. Steve thinks. Dustin paces. 

***

This is not a normal Sunday night for any of them but it's like the kids are less shaken about this than Steve will ever be. Maybe they're all doing their best to hide it. Hide how much it's affected them, how terrified they all are at night now. _Poor Max, she has no idea what's coming._ She's brave, though, maybe this isn't the only terrible thing she's seen. _Billy would be the same way._

There's a loud fucking roar. _Way_ too close for comfort, Steve jumps up and looks out the window of the camper, Dustin right by his side in a second. ( "You see him?" ) And no, he can't see _it_ and that's what scares _him_. There's nothing just a weird fucking fog and empty camper vans. If he can't see it how's he going to _kill it_ _?_

( "Ten o'clock! Ten o'clock!") Fuck, it's here, it's really here. He points, so Dustin can see it too. He doesn't care that his breath is coming out jagged, it's fucking scary and Dart isn't taking the bait. No one laughs when he says Dart's sick of cow. 

Taking the deepest breath he's taken since last year in the Byers' house, Steve steps back and stops for a second, Dustin looking at him, he can't see Dustin's face, not really, it's too dark. He heads for the door, grabbing his bat, blood rushing in his ears. ( "Steve?" ) It's background noise, like the basketball game. _God how was that a week ago?_

He turns and holds his lighter out to Dustin, tells him to get ready, he knows Dustin can _hear_ him breathing, it sounds like a foghorn in his own head. He throws his lighter, immediately regretting he didn't light a cigarette first and turns to go for the door. 

It emits a painful screeching sound as it opens. If the monster hadn't heard him before, it certainly did now. His vision expands again and for once, he's grateful. He can see the shadow of the demogorgan as it stands there, "sniffing" at the bait. His fate is sealed when the camper van door emits the same sound as it closes. He swings the bat in his hand, trying to gain some confidence like he knows he's going to win. 

Steve walks into the clearing and whistles, tells Dart to come out. He swings his bat back and forth as he whistles. The he _sees_ something he wished he hadn't seen. The orange light of a cherry. Like the one from his run in the woods last week. It was far away, up around where Lucas and Max had appeared earlier. He doesn't know if the man behind the cherry can see him but he gestures for him to move back. The light retreats a little. _Breathe, Harrington._ And Steve does, there's a bit more bravery in him than he thought. 

Steve is ready to shout at him to move back, put himself in the line of sight of the demogorgan a little too early when Lucas yells "Steve! Watch out!"

"Little busy here!" he shouts back, eyeing up the demogorgan in front of him. 

"Three o'clock! Three o'clock!" Steve looks to his three o'clock and _oh fuck._ There's another demogorgan growling at him, ready to attack. Steve's _never_ getting over this. How is supposed to explain to his dad that he needs money for therapy?

Dustin yells from the camper to abort but the next thing he knows, Dart's, ( maybe it's Dart, maybe the other one's Dart - he doesn't know ) Dart's face is opening up and running full speed at him. He can hear the other one behind him, doing the same. He dives over a car, no time to recover as he swings at the other incoming nightmare pet. Steve takes the chance to run back to the camper, the three kids yelling at him to hurry. Before he jumps into the camper he shouts back into the clearing: "Leave!" then the door closes and the demogorgans slam into the camper's door. They block the door, trying to stop the monsters from getting in. 

Steve reaches for the bits of metal up against the wall of the camper, tears one away. Takes a second to look out, doesn't see a cherry and breathes a little relief. 

A demogorgan gets into the van, and Steve's on top of it in a second. He's beating the shit out of it before anyone can say anything. He's going to have to clean the bat after this. Dustin's screaming into his walkie talkie about how he's going to die but no one's answering. It goes silent for a second. There's a crashing and a scraping noise comes from the roof. Max steps forward and looks up to the opening.

As soon as that monster growls, Max screams and Steve tells everyone to get out the way, all fear disappearing as he knows he's got to protect these kids; he starts shouting and screaming at the monster. It stops, moves back then lets out an unholy screech as if calling to others. And _oh god, there's others._ It jumps off the roof but Steve is still rooted to the spot. He's not entirely sure his state of mind was fully there as that happened and now he was coming back into his own body, he was fucking petrified. 

Steve steps out of the camper again. When did he start hearing his heartbeat? He can feel his blood pumping round his body, is _that_ normal? There's a low growling but he sees the remaining demogorgan running away. _Is that good?_

With Steve's field of vision very fucking wide and clear, he can see the trees moving slightly in the wind. Like on autopilot, his head turns to the area where the cherry glow had been. There was no longer a glow but there was an outline. Fucking freaky but he seemed unharmed. A little pissed off, but fine altogether. Steve nods at him. He nods back. A silent check. 

The kids walk out and the rapidly familiar figure walks away, back to where he came from. Steve almost follows him. 

"What happened?" Lucas.

"I don't know." Max.

"Steve scared of 'em off?" Dustin, ever Steve's supporter as it seems. 

"No." Steve says definitively, he understands now, "No way. They're going somewhere."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos to you if you found my crutch word in this chapter!  
> ( it's not difficult I promise )


	5. Cherry

They're walking back through the woods to the car. The kids are arguing about something. Steve isn't listening. He thinks it's about Dart and something about the marks on his butt? 

Steve doesn't care. He's too busy thinking about that glow of a cigarette cherry in the distance. He blinks and he sees it, sees the orange dot against a silhouette. It's so distinct it can only be one person. He wonders when he'll see him again. _If there's more of those fucking demogorgans around then probably in the_ _afterlife._ He thinks. And, yeah, he could be thinking more about the situation at hand but, see, that's why they're heading back to the car, so they can all regroup - probably at the Byers' place. 

So, sue him, Steve lets his mind wander. His mind wandered to Nancy, where she is right now and what she's doing. He didn't really care but she was his last shot at being normal and now he hasn't even got that. Instead he's got three kids who he didn't even want and an already rocky friendship with his former bully. He doubts it but she could be doing something actually normal. Maybe she and Jonathon are on a date. Now that's something he doesn't need to think about. 

Steve wonders about Billy. Wonders how Billy found them. Found _him_. Because how the fuck did that happen? They weren't so far out of Hawkins it could be called a horrific road trip but it's far enough that you're not _actually in Hawkins_. Basically no one could find this place unless they were looking for it. He probably owes Billy an explanation because he's not going to want to be labelled as the freak who hits dogs with bats. Demogorgans are _not_ fucking dogs. And he didn't want Billy spreading that shit everywhere. God, Steve hopes Billy didn't see him actually beating up monsters, _that's going to be_ so _hard to explain_. 

That damn cherry, like it's everywhere. He sees it in his peripherals, in the corner of his eye, in his rear-view mirror, in his fucking _dreams_. And it doesn't mean anything. It can't. Like, Steve's been seeing things since last year, it's just something else that got pushed into his subconscious. Like how he sees shadows out by his pool at night when there aren't any. At least he prays there aren't any. Except, unlike the shadows, the cherry adds a comfort to his life he hasn't felt in _so_ long. He can't explain why. 

( "He's malted three times already." ) And, okay, that's shaken Steve out of his little reverie.

"Malted?" He asks. Something he can't even believe he's asking. 

( " _Molted_ ". ) Okay so he heard wrong.

Apparently, Lucas didn't know Dart had eaten Dustin's cat. _Whoops_. Because the next thing that happens is Lucas and Dustin are fighting _again_ and Steve and Max are standing by awkwardly as Dustin denies keeping Dart for about three seconds before his resolves completely falls apart and he 'admits' to keeping him. Max tried to intervene but the two just keep fighting. Steve wants to go home. Then Max actively gets involved because Dustin calls her a stranger and Steve thinks he might _die_ if they don't stop being annoying. 

He's the only one that hears it. The screeching in the distance. Like a banshee but Steve knows better. His hand twitches before he grabs his bat harder. "Hey guys," he says, the arguing carries on and he struggles to breathe because haven't these things had enough for one night? His body is screaming for his bed but he knows they're Buyers bound and, yeah, it makes him a little angry, a little _agitated_ so he shouts. "Guys!" and it feels good, to hear silence for a second, to let off some steam for a very reasonable reason.

The screeching continues. He heads towards it and he hears Max complaining or maybe panicking. If Steve is going to fight these things then he's going to do it _once_ and only once. Or at least, that's what he's hoping for. Max catches up eventually. 

One thing Steve forgets is that Lucas, out of all of the kids, is probably the smartest. He's intuitive and observational. So when he says the demogorgans are going back home, he believes him. Doesn't stop him from almost choking on his own tongue with something akin to fear but he believes Lucas. 

***

So when Steve hears a very distinct voice shout out "Hello? Who's there?" he half thinks about turning the fuck around and going home. The kids? Well, they've got Jonathon and Nancy now. Because of course Jonathon isn't complete without Nancy by his side so of course she's there. He's not even fucking surprised. So yeah. he could go home. He's not needed anymore and he could for a run in those woods and tomorrow he can wake up and breathe properly because this isn't his business anymore and he can go see Billy and apologise and maybe they can be friends. Or something like friends. 

But, he remembers those woods are probably crawling with demogorgans if they haven't 'gone home' yet. So he can't run in the woods. Whatever. And then there's a matter of the promise that if he's going to fight it's going to be tonight so he doesn't have to do it again which, yeah, he kind of has to hold himself to. The kids aren't that bad. 

But he's not thrilled to be face to face with his ex and her probably new piece of _bullshit_. There's a screech in the distance and they all look at the lab. Steve hopes no one else is still in there. It would make the night so. Much. Easier. Something about that unholy screech tells him this isn't going to be easy. Steve can _feel_ the panic coming off of Jonathon. Can't find it in him to hate him that much. He'd probably feel the same if it was Dustin in there and they've only known each other for about five hours. 

They're all talking about who they have and haven't seen in the recent hours until Nancy pushes past everyone and points them in the direction of a now lit up lab. Time to get the front gate open then. Not as easy as they think it seems. 

Maybe it's because he's around Nancy for the first time since he told her she was bullshit or maybe it's because he's literally living his worst nightmare _again_ but Steve is seriously losing some of the resolve he had at the start of the day. He's on _edge_. Like, the very edge and he's so close to falling he can barely _think_ straight; he doesn't remember the last time he _couldn't_ hear blood rushing in his ears. The grip on his bat, getting stronger and stronger every second, it's almost like he's trying to fuse it with his skin so he never has to stop holding it again. He doesn't care if Dustin or if Jonathon gets that gate open as long as someone does because, _please,_ he just wants this to be over. Dustin is swearing and pressing that button over and over, Steve zeros in on the sound, his brain _hurts_ as it _clicks_ again and again. He doesn't know what's worse, focusing on his own wild and frightened thoughts or the button that Dustin is jabbing his tiny hand onto _repeatedly_. 

Then it opens. _Finally_. It wasn't likely that Dustin opened it himself but it was open, that's what mattered in some fucked up way. It's clear none of them know if they should actually walk into the lab. Because who knows what's waiting for them? Who knows if anyone's dead? 

Jonathon gets in his car and runs the engine. Nancy follows because _of course she does_. He heads to the lab. Steve and the kids are left once again.

***

He's not sure how long it takes, long enough for him to get bored and start _thinking_ again. When Max says words in the direction of the lab and the sound of cars tearing around the corner comes closer. They all dive out the way in a panic. Because all this night needed was more danger. Jonathon keeps driving, presumably with his mom and brother as well as Nancy. Hopper stops with a jolt and tells them to haul ass into his police car. 

Hopper gives them the run-down of what happened, some guy named Bob sacrificed himself and they shouldn't mention it to Joyce because she's broken up and Will's still not okay and they need to get to the Buyers'. 

***

The Buyers' house is _covered_ in pieces of paper, all linked together to make a series of connecting black lines. By the time everyone is in the front room or anywhere near it, Will is laying on the couch and Jonathon is right next to him. He watches as Nancy puts a hand on his shoulder, a comfort thing, Steve supposes. And, _god_ , he wants that. Not having someone he loves on the brink of death but someone to comfort him on those nights where he can't breathe and he's scared out of his fucking mind because something moved in his backyard, someone to place a hand on his shoulder when he wakes up screaming in terror in the middle of the night because _fuck_ he needs it. And he almost had it but they were _bullshit_ and no, it's not the right to think about it but he's trying to stop the sound of Hopper screaming down the phone get to him. 

Steve leaves the front room. He can't watch Nancy be there for someone else, not when he has no one like that for himself. Yeah, he's jealous but he can't help it, his chance at _normal_ is with someone else and he'll never be normal or _functioning;_ sue him that he wants to be. Everyone wants to be normal. 

Hopper stops screaming and Mike screams at him kind of because Hopper said "We'll see." And there's just been _too much_ screaming for one day; Steve feels like that's all he hears anymore. Screaming kids, screaming adults, screaming teenagers, screaming inside his _head_. It's all too much and Steve hates it.

Even when it's quiet on the outside, he never gets any peace on the inside, he's constantly screaming, he's always so _fucking terrified_ because monsters are _fucking_ real and they shouldn't be around this year because they fixed it last year - let alone even _exist_. But they do. 

Steve's entire psyche hasn't stopped screaming since last year. First it was because of the guilt he carried from Barb. Then it was the monsters. Then it was Nancy. Then it was because Billy wouldn't let up.

Steve keeps his back to everyone. First time he's done that since last year. But he's safe here, right now, the adrenaline is wearing off and they're all coming back to feeling like shit but with an added side of completely helpless. 

Steve stares out one of the windows and he sees it. Or maybe he does. He sees something that looks like a cherry from a cigarette. It's low, like the person holding it is sitting down. It moves up and down, and Steve breathes in time with the movement. It's almost like the person holding the cigarette is doing it on purpose. Steve's not complaining. When he feels better and the cigarette is finished, the cherry is gone and there's nothing out there anymore. Maybe he was imagining it. Steve turns back to the room, leans on the counter. 

Jonathon and Nancy are gone, so are Joyce and Hopper. God knows where. Mike gets up from the table and moves towards the front room. Steve doesn't pay that much attention to it. He didn't know Bob but he seems like he's listening because he doesn't want to seem rude. This guy clearly meant _something_ especially to Mike. The others were a little half-assed about it. Not that he's blaming them. 

There's something about demo-dogs that Steve vaguely thinks about, it's Dustin filling the silence again, he thinks. 

"His army." Mike says and it's a loaded statement, there's meaning behind it and that, that's worth paying attention to. Steve asks what he means. 

***

It gets to the point where Steve has to tell them to slow down and he feels so _stupid_ saying it but he doesn't _know_ what's going on and it's confusing. Mike barely breathes as he explains everything to him but at least he doesn't _actually_ slow down, doesn't actually treat Steve like an idiot. It makes him feel better. These kids might argue and mouth off but they're decent kids, really. Then all of them are explaining things to him one sentence at a time but none of them make him feel like he's _slow_.

Now they've got a new metaphor for _another_ monster and Hopper, Nancy and Jonathon have joined in on the conversation. Whatever.

Steve is too busy reading the book - the manual as Dustin calls it - to hear what's actually got Dustin all riled up but he's guessing it was something Hopper said. Apparently the mind flayer is _not_ a metaphor it's an analogy. And _jesus,_ it's a wonder these kids get anything done with all the interruptions. 

He tries joining in after a while. And Dustin tries, he _really tries_ not to treat Steve like an idiot for that comparison but Steve can tell he was wrong. _Great. Idiot._

Then it all gets too much _again_ because Lucas says something about "destruction of the world" and _oh fuck no._ Steve really didn't need that slice of reality. He's already having to fight monsters along side his ex and her new boyfriend, surrounded by wound up kids and angry adults - not to mention he's _seeing_ Billy's cigarette cherry everywhere and he can barely breathe on a _normal_ occasion and now. No, just no. 

This is where he actually realises that if he dropped dead right there, no one would care. Because as much he can keep a lid on his impending breakdown, he's really struggling to hide how badly he's doing right now and everyone _heard_ what he said but no one _cared._ He feels like shit for feeling the way he does because this is about _Will_ but seriously, for them to be able to work together on this, they need to make sure everyone is okay. But whatever, right? Because who actually gives a shit. Not Steve. Not anymore. 

Nancy just keeps talking like he's a piece of dust that flew by, it devolves into a seven way argument; Steve could honestly leave and he doubts anyone would notice. He's not needed. Clearly. He's too fucking _dumb_ to help or give ideas, all he's good for is. . .driving people around. Except his car is back at the tracks so he's not even good for _that._ He's nobody, right now. He's always a nobody. There's only one person who could say he's not a nobody and he's fucked that one up. _No one cares when you're not King Steve._ There's only one person who calls him that anymore. It's weird because it makes him feel like somebody. Just a little. Except he's not. And even Billy would say so right now. 

Thank _god_ for Joyce because she shuts them all up with two words. 

Apparently Mike is _tuned the fuck in_ when it comes to saving Will because he's the only person that _finally_ has an answer to "So how do we kill it?".

Everyone decides on the shed in the backyard.

And it's Steve's luck that he ends up stapling black tarp to the wall with Nancy. Because the world - the _universe_ hates him. It's awkward and Steve wants it to be over and he's not in the talking mood so he refuses to initiate any conversation. ( "Hey." ) She speaks and, _god_ , Steve didn't want to cry tonight. He doesn't say anything, just looks at her. So she knows he's still mad. Because he is. 

She. . .she _complimented_ him. On looking after the kids. Was this her way of a peace offering? An olive branch? "Those little shits are real trouble, you know?" And it's true. But he can't bring himself to say it with anything but appreciation. He feels her look up again at him but he doesn't say anything more. _Guess that was it. Olive branch._

***

With a rapidly deteriorating concept of time, Steve stands in Byer's house in a room by himself swinging his bat back and forth. He thinks. Thinks about Nancy who's just outside the room, thinks how they're kind of okay now. And it's not a huge issue. She's clearly trying but he can't forget what happened. How shitty she made him feel that night. How, no matter how much he tries to say 'whatever', he still hurts. He still feels like he's breathing under water. Like he was right on the edge of a cliff and her _bullshit_ pushed him over. And no one was pulling him out of the water. There was one person standing at the edge of the water, holding an arm out and shouting at him to swim over but the person wasn't swimming out to him any time soon, wouldn't meet him in the middle. So Steve is left to drown. God, he wishes he could get a do-over. Another chance to get things right. Get things back to _normal._ Steve breathes in deeply and focuses on the motion of the bat. He hears muffled voices of Max and Lucas talking in the hallway. 

Steve breathes and keeps swinging the bat. He'll say it's for practice, that it's been a while since he last swung a bat and the earlier fight had been a warm up. That would all be a lie. Like he hasn't been swinging the bat for the past year every day so he doesn't go out of practice. So he doesn't feel totally helpless. 

It's when the lights start flickering that Steve stops and everybody crowds around, coming out from wherever they were to stare out the window. It must have looked ridiculous but it was a sign something was happening. 

A few minutes later, Hopper, Mike, Joyce and Jonathon come storming in and Hopper grabs a piece of paper. Everyone stands around the kitchen table as he writes out dots and dashes. Steve asks what it is and everybody says "Morse code" in unison. _Not to make me feel dumb or anything._

( "Will's still in there. He's talking to us." ) Whatever that means. Steve supposes it's a good thing. He tries to think back to the page on the mind flayer in the manual. He remembers nothing. But he _knows_ he read the whole page and for some reason, _it just won't go through his head._ Steve feels like the most useless part of this group. _Wouldn't be surprised if everyone else felt the same way._

***

Steve spends the next few hours sitting at the table, watching the kids and Nancy write down the message Will is trying to send through Morse code and feeling useless. Even Billy couldn't tell him he _wasn't_ useless. He couldn't even get out of metaphorical water by himself. He really had no business being here. With all these people who had IQ's higher than his. _Is IQ even the right word?_

_CLOSE GATE_

That was Will's message. The phone rang. There's panic. At any other point, _normally,_ it would have been considered an overreaction. Not tonight. 

"It's just a phone. Could be anywhere. Right?" But then Hopper's running in the house with a fucking rifle and Steve figures it's more serious than he thought. He lines up in the middle of Nancy who's holding a _rifle_ and Hopper with an _automatic_. And. He's got a bat. With nails. But it's his trusty fucking bat and he's not ashamed about it so they line up at the ready, facing the front door, waiting for something _horrific_ to come busting through it. Steve looks back for a second and finally finds out why Dustin told Lucas to bring his wrist rocket.

There's a screech far off and he readies himself again. This is going to be another beautiful addition to his nightmares. That's if he ever sleeps again after tonight. A monster growls, closer than the screech was - Steve feels his knees almost buckle. There's more noise, noises he wishes he didn't have to hear again. Everyone turns to the kitchen. The trees rustle outside, Steve hears it like it's _next_ to him. 

The noise comes around to the door again and there's gasps and choked off screams - as if it wasn't _enough_ he heard those screams in his head every day. 

The noises stop. Something sounds like it's died. The silence, for once, feels more dangerous than it used to. An hour ago, Steve would have begged for silence from whatever sick, twisted deity up in the heavens that bestowed this awful fucking life on him, begged for one moment of peace. Now, he's not sure if he wants it. 

The sound of shattering glass scares the group out of their minds. It's the first time, really that whole night, that Steve let himself scream in terror. A demo-dog - a _dead_ demo-dog - falls to their feet. They all inspect it, all on edge. It really is dead, Hopper kicked it with his foot. 

The sound of the wooden door creaking gets their attention. Steve's muscles tense up and he squeezes the bat, knuckles going white as he does so. The sound of the lock clicking, gives everyone with a weapon ( including Mike who's holding a large metal object, Steve notices ) cause to go on the defence. _Please be over, please be over. I just want this to be over._

_Fucking breathe._

The door swings open. This is probably the slowest thing to ever happen to Steve in his _life_. And he's taken plenty of math tests to compare this to. There's big boots, weird wooly socks, jeans and a black trench coat. Complete with eyeliner. And a bleeding nose. 

A crying goth girl?


	6. Billy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I changed when Billy got to the Byers' house, he never goes to the Wheeler house to make us all uncomfortable when he flirts with Mrs Wheeler. 
> 
> Enjoy!

There was less than thirty seconds of complete silence before Mike steps forward and says the number eleven but forms it as a question. Then the sad goth girl says Mike's name and Steve is sure he's missing something. The two kids stand there crying and hugging while _Max_ \- god, even Max knows and she's _new_ \- asks "Is that. . .?" and trails off before she gets a name out because Lucas is already nodding. And Steve is a little pissed about it because he is now the most clueless person in the room. Which honestly, isn't much of a change but he thought at least Max would be on the same level at this point. 

_This goth girl never came up in Dustin's complete run down of his social circle two days ago._ Steve thinks, bitterly. 

There's more hugging and crying ( the girl says something about 353 days which _definitely_ is supposed to mean something ). Then Hopper hugs her like they're _family_ which - is this Hopper's daughter? Or didn't she. . .yeah, Steve is certain Hopper's daughter isn't around anymore. But it seems this girl is his daughter now. So, he guesses that's one more thing he knows. 

Mike gets angry, says something about hiding the girl, pushes Hopper. So they have to talk alone, Hopper practically drags Mike by the ear out of the room, leaving the goth girl standing there, blood still there and dried under her nose. 

Despite moving into another room, everyone can still hear Mike and Hopper's muffled voices shouting at each other. Some words make it through but not all of them. Steve thinks they over estimated the thickness of the walls in this house. It's clear everyone is uncomfortable. There's shuffling and coughing, everyone looking at different bits of the floor, Dustin whistles for a few seconds before he stops because Max looks like she kind of wants to kill him. 

Really, Steve couldn't take it. He was standing there, bat in hand, next to his ex-girlfriend and her probably new boyfriend, thinking he might as well go home because he clearly doesn't know as much as everyone else. The girl is still standing there as still as possible. Everyone else knew who she was but no one ran to say hello. It could be because the very unmuffled sounds of Mike and Hopper arguing made the whole atmosphere awkward. 

***

At some point, the shouting stops, muffled sobs are heard in its place. Then everyone moves towards the girl. It's nice, to see so many people care for each other like that. Gives Steve a sense of hope. Everyone tells the girl how much they've missed her and how good it is to see her again but it isn't until Max steps forward that Steve understands a little more. She says it in the sweetest voice Steve has heard her use since meeting her half a day ago. ( "Eleven? Hey, um, I'm Max." ) 

_Her name is Eleven._

And weird name but whatever, Steve isn't going to ask or judge. He's too tired.

Eleven seems kind of a dick though, in Steve's tired and honest opinion. Max, finally smiling - clearly _making an effort_ to be nice to someone she's heard so much about and who is loved by all these people, then Max gets shoved past with no words, no smile, no _nothing._ The minute Eleven is face to face with Joyce, she's all smiles and happy crying again. _Dick move from the kid there_ , Steve thinks sourly. Maybe it's because he's protective over the kids or maybe it's because he understands how out-of-the-loop Max might feel but he's taking her side on this one. 

They all crowd around as Eleven and Joyce talk about closing the gate. Steve still has no idea what the gate really is but has no intention of going anywhere near it. It seems, however, Eleven has closed the gate before. They have an expert, that's good. The problem is, Eleven doesn't _say_ much, maybe there's a reason for it and Steve can feel for her if there is but because of whatever that reason might be, keeping a continuous line of communication towards her open is very difficult. Joyce however, seems to know what she needs to do without a single repeated question. Which is fine. The thing that is not fine is that Steve cannot keep up, everyone already was torso deep into what happened last year and therefore don't need a recap. Steve got to about shin deep. He is lost.

Here's what Steve knows: how to beat the crap out of a demogorgan and then beat it dead. Anything after that and Steve is going to need an explanation or two. He'll ask later. Maybe. He could make it seem like Max is confused too, then maybe everyone won't be so annoyed for him asking questions. He's basically an _adult,_ he shouldn't need to ask questions any more. _God,_ he's useless. 

It hits him that, in the long run, Billy might be pleased that Steve never turned up to the quarry. He's such an idiot, Billy would have gotten sick of him by day three of knowing each other. Yeah, it's for the best. Steve looks out the window and the cigarette cherry hasn't returned. He can't tell if he imagined it or Billy is waiting, has been ever since the demo-dog fight. In which case, when is he going to beat Steve to a bloody pulp? Might as well get it over with. Steve could use his inevitable black eye and broken ribs as an excuse not to go to school for a few days. Still, would have been nice to know if they could have been friends. Good friends even.

He stops thinking about Billy when Hopper walks back into the room followed by Mike and everyone starts putting things together from each of their experiences. Turns out, Nancy and Jonathon did not in fact run away for a long weekend away together. They went to a guy named Murray Bauman. And there was something about the way the two of them didn't quite look each other in the eye that had something twisting in Steve's stomach. Steve didn't input anything to the conversation, he didn't have anything to say - he didn't know anything.

So Steve hangs back, along with Max he notices, while everyone else stands in Will's room, planning and finishing each other's sentences. He hangs back because he really doesn't have anything to say - clearly neither does Max. They exchange looks a few times, Max always asking a question and him never knowing the answer. He feels like he's letting her down. She doesn't seem to get frustrated with him. He's trying to piece things together based on what they're saying - it seems relatively easy and Max seems to be following very well. So why can't he?

He wonders where Billy would be standing if he were here too? Further forward maybe? Still in the kitchen? Would he ask questions, angry and determined or would he stay quiet, working things out in his head like Max?

***

Hopper's halfway out to the car by the time Steve catches up to real time. He watches as the chief carries an unconscious Will and fires off instructions at Jonathon as he goes. In that moment, despite everything, Steve really does feel for Jonathon. The guy looks so scared. He looks wrecked. Past a point even Nancy can't help with. But clearly she's good for him so that's how, when he finds himself alone with Nancy _again,_ he tells her to go with him. ( "I may be a pretty shitty boyfriend but. . .turns out I'm actually a damn good babysitter." ) He laughs a little. She doesn't. She looks guilty _._ Nancy goes to say his name but he's not going to hear it. It's okay. And he kind of finds it is. He's not the best, not what he used to be but, it's okay. All in all, the root of his recent distress hasn't been her. _It's okay._ And while it may be okay, he still is on shaky ground. When Nancy goes to say something else, he'd rather not hear it because then things will be less _okay_. He walks back inside.

They watch as the others leave. Steve's the adult now. He's got four kids to take care of. On his own. 

***

Steve thought he'd be in charge considering all the other adults left but it seems Dustin can still boss him around. That's how he finds himself carrying a demo-dog in his arms with a quilt wrapped around it, ( "No fucking way am I carrying it with my _bare hands_ , Dustin, get me a a blanket or something, I'm not getting demo-blood on me." ) in front of the refrigerator while Dustin took all the draws and trays out. That's pretty much where Dustin decided he's been helpful enough. Steve only got him to help with the door but the, frankly, heavy and awkwardly shaped demo-dog was kind of difficult to get in fridge. As if an automatic action, he put a hand on Dustin's head to ruffle his hair ( it didn't really work with his hat on ) and walked away. They both decided it didn't need bringing up. 

Just as Steve is thinking about finally having a cigarette, the kids start arguing and it's all he can do to not scream. He tries to intervene like the good babysitter he is but Mike is in a bad mood and snarky. Steve tries to steady himself, tries to ignore how the hole in his stomach opens wider and the noise in his brain gets louder when Mike says they're on the bench, he tries to answer back as coherently as he can. He gives up. 

It's difficult, trying to make the kids feel better when he doesn't feel anywhere near okay himself. He doesn't want to admit he's on the bench, he's useless, he can't do anything but he has to. Because the kids were staring at him and there was a pressure there. He might as well tell the truth if he can't think of a good enough lie.

Unfortunately, the kids are smart. Once one of them gets the idea, they all do. _Including Max_. He feels stupid again. Whatever. So Dustin starts and they snowball. Steve can't help but point out this idea will lead them to a horrifying death. ( "Well, that's one point of view." 

"No, that's not a point of view, man, that's a fact." )

Then Mike has an idea. It involves major arson, major risk of death and a strong likelihood of getting severely injured. None of them listen to him when he says no. Maybe he would have more authority over them if he hadn't agreed to Dustin's freeze the demo-dog idea. He doubts he would have had much authority either way. 

He tries again. He claps, puts his hands on hips and goes full "mom mode" on them. At least, what he thinks is "mom mode" if his had ever been around enough to do it. He calls them shitheads and uses the one point of weakness he's been feeling the most the whole night to tell them they're staying on the bench. They're staying right where they are. He flaps his dishtowel at Mike when he tries being snarky again and demands a yes. He feels like he's finally getting through to them when probably the worst thing to ever happen happens. He's interrupted. By the only person in his life who seems to want to know where he is all the same time. 

He'd know the engine anywhere. Especially after that afternoon at the track. _How_ was that only two days ago? Still, he lets Max run to the window to see his car in the drive. He wondered how long it had been sat there since Hopper had left, how long he'd been sat there since maybe pulling around from the back of the house. 

Steve's already at the door before he's turned the engine off. He doesn't think he'll kill them as much as Max fears but tells the kids to keep their heads down anyway. 

Billy steps out the car, all confidence and leather jackets. He takes the cigarette out of his mouth in a way that makes Steve understand _yet again_ why the girls go for him before asking the one question that will ring in his ears the most tonight. Maybe forever. ( "Am I dreaming or is that you, Harrington?" )

And really what else can he say? He has to have something smart to say. ( "Yeah it's me, don't cream your pants." ) And. Alright, so it wasn't the smartest thing he could come up with but. Whatever. He hopes it came out sarcastic enough.

Billy kind of reacts to it anyways so. There's that. Well, he smiled around his cigarette. Steve takes it. He ignores the feeling in the air when Billy, kind of vigorously, takes off his jacket. Steve doesn't know why he did it - at least he _hopes_ he doesn't know why Billy did it. He doesn't want a fight. Not here, not tonight when he can't sit Billy down in the passenger seat of his car and explain things very carefully at the quarry. 

"What are you doin' here, amigo?" Billy asks as Steve walks down the front steps towards him. Steve doesn't get why he calls him "friend" ( especially in Spanish ) when they're barely acquaintances but maybe it's a Californian thing.

"I could ask you the same thing." He shoots back, he's tired. If they're going to fight, let it be now, before he just drops in a heap on the floor, a lump of exhaustion and mental ache. "Amigo." He throws in as he gets closer to Billy. He gets cranky when he's tired and he's not going to stick with anything but sarcasm if Billy's looking for five rounds and a knock out.

Something in Billy's face freezes over, like a lake in the middle of winter. For a second, Steve thinks he said something wrong. But Billy smokes his cigarette and keeps going. "I was looking for you, looks like I found you. Found my sister, too." He says, stony and cold. So they're back to how they always are. How they're meant to be. Back to normal. But Steve has a brat pack to look after and a gory town secret to keep so he laughs in Billy's face.

"Sorry pal, your sister's not here. No if you'll excuse me, I got a house to look after while Mrs Byers is with her son." He turns to walk back to the house. 

"You know, Harrington," Billy takes a moment to drag on his cigarette. "I don't like what's going on here."

"Excuse me?"

"First, you stand me up at the quarry, second you lie to me about my sister's whereabouts and third," Another drag, "you're lying about being alone in that house."

"Dude, I'm not lying about anything." 

"Oh yeah?" Billy waits for Steve to nod and when Steve does, Billy takes another drag. "Then who," He points to the window, "are they?" Steve looks back to see four terrified faces disappear down out of sight. And _god fucking dammit._ He _told_ them to stay out of sight. 

"Look Billy, I can't deal with this right now. On Monday, after school, I _swear,_ I'll tell you all about it." Steve doesn't even wait for a reply, just turns a walks up the porch steps. He's through the door quicker than he'd like to admit and he's crowding the kids. "What did I tell you? I said stay out of sight. That was not out of sight."

None of the kids have any time to take a _breath_ before the front door's kicked open and there's Billy, shirt only buttoned halfway up his torso, no cigarette and balled up fists. Max starts towards him but Steve moves an arm out in front of her, she's not getting involved in this, no matter how much trouble she thinks she's in. It's between him and Billy. "I'll deal with you in a minute, _shitbird_." Billy all but snarls out at her, she flinches and Steve moves further in front of them. "But first." His head slowly moves over to level his eye line with Steve. "You." Billy charges towards Steve like a fucking bull and Steve heads to the kitchen, there's potential weapons in there if that's what it comes to.

"Billy, let me _explain-_ " Steve tries but he's cut off by the kitchen table as he slams into the edge of it before running around it so now he and Billy are on opposite sides of the table. But, honestly, Steve's not even sure how he can explain when he himself knows next to _nothing_. He's going to be useless at explaining this whole situation. Billy's going to get _frustrated_ and yell at him and Steve wouldn't really blame him because the kids could do better than him at explaining everything. 

There's a long silence as Billy waits, Steve can see him deciding whether to keep attacking or to actually listen to what he has to say. It didn't take a genius ( a.k.a _everybody else_ ) to correctly guess what Billy chose. Billy blocks the kitchen, the kids on the other side of him shouting at Steve who can barely hear them over the sound of his own blood _wooshing_ in his ears and through his brain. There's nowhere to go but through so Steve just prays he gets a good first hit. It's not bad. Billy's replying punch is better, has Steve recoiling right back into the kitchen table. _That's a black eye in the making._ Billy's on him a second later, leaning over him, pulls him up by the front of shirt and Steve goes back to basketball practice and he remembers what Billy said. So Steve _breathes_ and he breathes deep. He smells Billy's cologne and the cigarettes he's been smoking since he got here - it almost makes Steve want one again - he smells whatever the hell Billy puts in his hair and whatever detergent he puts in his laundry. 

"How _dare_ you lie to me, how _dare_ you leave me waiting at the quarry. You're _dead,_ Harrington _._ " Billy pulls his arm back, Steve keeps breathing, tries to keep his bone-deep anxiety in check as he waits for the hit and he whispers to himself the mantra he's relied so heavily on for the past few exhausting days:

" _Breathe, Harrington. Remember to_ breathe _, man._ " 


End file.
